Simply A Night Owl

For the first time ever, I am taking part in a synchroblog.  This particular event for the month of May started at Glenn’s place.  Glenn said he wanted to keep it real and keep it simple.  SIMPLE?!  HA!!!  True reflection is always real but it is never simple to put your heart out on your sleeve for all to see and some to take bites at.   This post may just get saved and never posted but I think that this is the avenue that I am going to use to try and sort out what it is I have been feeling lately.  So I apologize in advance if I get long-winded.  (Or fingered as it were)

1. How am I doing? 
This is certainly a loaded question and its answer really depends on what aspect of my life we’re looking at.  Let’s start with career.  I work as an officer for a small town police department.  As such, I will probably be doing the same thing and the same routine when I retire as I am doing now.  There is little room for advancement and the turn over is low.   Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I love what I am doing.  It’s just that for me to be truly happy, there has to be challenge and there has to be some type of goal to reach for.  With little or no chance of every advancing within this department, those needs are not met.  With that, I have to balance the desire to look elsewhere for my needs while understanding that at 44 years old, I am quite too old to “start over again”.   Sometimes I feel really good about where I’m at and sometimes, I really feel stuck.  (Not to mention that fact that right now, I am working a five day a week schedule that has me working early morning Sunday, mid-day Monday and Tuesday and Night Shift on Wednesday and Thursday) 

My life at home is awesome!!  Except for the lack of sleep over the past seven months with a new baby coupled with the crazy work schedule, I couldn’t be happier.   Our little boy is growing like a weed and has such an awesome personality.   We have some fun family activities coming up this summer and I am looking forward to them.  In this area, I would have to say that I am complete!!

Church.   Hmm, well…truth to tell, I am discontented at best.   The church of which I am a member, is non-creedal, which really suits me fine since I have my own unique way of seeing things.   One of the main reasons that I belong to this particular organization is that its main focus is proclaiming Jesus Christ and helping to build the kingdom of God here on earth – at least that’s the rumor.   That’s not the point though.  The point is that I have come to a point where I  feel that the congregation is so steeped in tradition and dogma that they can’t see past the end of their own rules.  It is this type of closed minded thinking that is causing its death for it has stifled the ministry of its members.  For a congregation that desires to bring about Zion and to be a positive contributor in the community, there is really very little that is actually done about it.    So, in order for me to do what it is I feel called to do, I have to go outside of the congregation.  I have become disillusioned with “doing church” on Sundays and now find myself reaching out whenever I can and whereever I am.  After all, I am doing my best to introduce people to Christ, not to church.   Life was so much simpler when my understanding was as well. 

Other than that, I have a cold that has been hanging on for five days and this past weekend my computer crashed twice….and then did it again tonight.  

What am I doing?
The snow has finally melted out of the yard and I have started the process of bringing it back to life.  The other day, the lawn was re-seeded.  After the next rain comes fertilizer and then the process of moving about every third day.   There are flowers to be planted, benches to be put out and pots to be filled with plants.  This is such a great time of year.  

I am still occasionally making blog posts.  I have reached a block in the writing of the book that I started.  More accurately, my seven month old son now takes up most of my free time so I have kind of put that on the back burner for right now.   He is now old enough to be outside with us most of the time and the weather is now good enough to make that happen.  So along with the yard work, there will be bike rides, walks over the bridge and trips to Silverwood.  (Especially since they are going to have a new roller coaster this year).  It’s going to be an amazing summer!! 

Because summer is coming and it’s now finally starting to get warm, things at work are now picking up as well. 

What am I learning?
I am starting to see that my learning is taking me to a place outside of what I have known to be true.  (Yep, we’re talking church and religion here again).  I have always felt that organized religion was only the beginning of understanding, not the end.  My study has taken me to new levels and opened up my eyes and my heart to what the Lord really has in mind for me and at this point, I am not sure anymore that my purpose involves “church” as we know it.

The most important thing I am learning is how to be a good Dad and be able to combine that with being a good husband a good example and a good provider.  This is by far the most important thing I will ever learn.  Being a good dad has been the coolest lesson and by far the most fun.   I wonder about the adventurousness (is that a word?)  of those who would like a rule book for raising kids.  What I have discovered to far that to have the answers for some things would be good but for the most part, it’s about discovery for both of us.   I just try to look at things like he does; that everything is new and to be experimented and played with.   Who would of thought that a keyring full of keys would be the coolest toy in the world and that my badge would taste so good.

What am I dreaming about?
That depends on whether we’re talking about day dreams or night dreams.  I dream of seeing my son grow up knowing that he is loved and that the only thing that will ever hold him back from anything is himself.  I see myself retired 14 years from now; golfing, fishing and spending quality time with my son.  (He’ll be in High School then)   I am dreaming about living in a world where the job I do is not required.  I will gladly give it up on that day.  

If all of this gives you some indication of where I am at, can you please forward the GPS Coordinates to me because right now, I am not sure myself.  The picture is not really complete. 

View the entries from all the other participants:

Alan Knox:  You are Here
Barb:  One Year Checkup
Erin Word:  My Turn
Glenn Hager:  Feeling Free
HW:  May Synchroblog
Jeff McQuilken:  Mile Marker Reflections
Jeromy Johnson:  Our Story – Chapter 10
Kathy Escobar:  It Stinks Down Here, but I Really Love The Smell
Lyn Hallewell:  Your Turn
Sarah:   Glenn’s May Synchroblog
Tera Rose:  May Synchroblog
Happy:  Better Late Than Never
My bestest blogger buddy Rachel:  Synchroblog