Lost or Found (Depends on your view): May Synchroblog
For the first time ever, I am taking part in a synchroblog. This particular event for the month of May started at Glenn’s place. Glenn said he wanted to keep it real and keep it simple. SIMPLE?! HA!!! True reflection is always real but it is never simple to put your heart out on your sleeve for all to see and some to take bites at. This post may just get saved and never posted but I think that this is the avenue that I am going to use to try and sort out what it is I have been feeling lately. So I apologize in advance if I get long-winded. (Or fingered as it were)
1. How am I doing?
This is certainly a loaded question and its answer really depends on what aspect of my life we’re looking at. Let’s start with career. I work as an officer for a small town police department. As such, I will probably be doing the same thing and the same routine when I retire as I am doing now. There is little room for advancement and the turn over is low. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I love what I am doing. It’s just that for me to be truly happy, there has to be challenge and there has to be some type of goal to reach for. With little or no chance of every advancing within this department, those needs are not met. With that, I have to balance the desire to look elsewhere for my needs while understanding that at 44 years old, I am quite too old to “start over again”. Sometimes I feel really good about where I’m at and sometimes, I really feel stuck. (Not to mention that fact that right now, I am working a five day a week schedule that has me working early morning Sunday, mid-day Monday and Tuesday and Night Shift on Wednesday and Thursday) 
My life at home is awesome!! Except for the lack of sleep over the past seven months with a new baby coupled with the crazy work schedule, I couldn’t be happier. Our little boy is growing like a weed and has such an awesome personality. We have some fun family activities coming up this summer and I am looking forward to them. In this area, I would have to say that I am complete!!
Church. Hmm, well…truth to tell, I am discontented at best. The church of which I am a member, is non-creedal, which really suits me fine since I have my own unique way of seeing things. One of the main reasons that I belong to this particular organization is that its main focus is proclaiming Jesus Christ and helping to build the kingdom of God here on earth - at least that’s the rumor. That’s not the point though. The point is that I have come to a point where I feel that the congregation is so steeped in tradition and dogma that they can’t see past the end of their own rules. It is this type of closed minded thinking that is causing its death for it has stifled the ministry of its members. For a congregation that desires to bring about Zion and to be a positive contributor in the community, there is really very little that is actually done about it. So, in order for me to do what it is I feel called to do, I have to go outside of the congregation. I have become disillusioned with “doing church” on Sundays and now find myself reaching out whenever I can and whereever I am. After all, I am doing my best to introduce people to Christ, not to church. Life was so much simpler when my understanding was as well.
Other than that, I have a cold that has been hanging on for five days and this past weekend my computer crashed twice….and then did it again tonight.
What am I doing?
The snow has finally melted out of the yard and I have started the process of bringing it back to life. The other day, the lawn was re-seeded. After the next rain comes fertilizer and then the process of moving about every third day. There are flowers to be planted, benches to be put out and pots to be filled with plants. This is such a great time of year.
I am still occasionally making blog posts. I have reached a block in the writing of the book that I started. 
More accurately, my seven month old son now takes up most of my free time so I have kind of put that on the back burner for right now. He is now old enough to be outside with us most of the time and the weather is now good enough to make that happen. So along with the yard work, there will be bike rides, walks over the bridge and trips to Silverwood. (Especially since they are going to have a new roller coaster this year). It’s going to be an amazing summer!!
Because summer is coming and it’s now finally starting to get warm, things at work are now picking up as well.
What am I learning?
I am starting to see that my learning is taking me to a place outside of what I have known to be true. (Yep, we’re talking church and religion here again). I have always felt that organized religion was only the beginning of understanding, not the end. My study has taken me to new levels and opened up my eyes and my heart to what the Lord really has in mind for me and at this point, I am not sure anymore that my purpose involves “church” as we know it.
The most important thing I am learning is how to be a good Dad and be able to combine that with being a good husband a good example and a good provider. This is by far the most important thing I will ever learn. Being a good dad has been the coolest lesson and by far the most fun. I wonder about the adventurousness (is that a word?) of those who would like a rule book for raising kids. What I have discovered to far that to have the answers for some things would be good but for the most part, it’s about discovery for both of us. I just try to look at things like he does; that everything is new and to be experimented and played with. Who would of thought that a keyring full of keys would be the coolest toy in the world and that my badge would taste so good.
What am I dreaming about?
That depends on whether we’re talking about day dreams or night dreams. I dream of seeing my son grow up knowing that he is loved and that the only thing that will ever hold him back from anything is himself. I see myself retired 14 years from now; golfing, fishing and spending quality time with my son. (He’ll be in High School then) I am dreaming about living in a world where the job I do is not required. I will gladly give it up on that day.
If all of this gives you some indication of where I am at, can you please forward the GPS Coordinates to me because right now, I am not sure myself. The picture is not really complete.
View the entries from all the other participants:
Alan Knox: You are Here
Barb: One Year Checkup
Erin Word: My Turn
Glenn Hager: Feeling Free
HW: May Synchroblog
Jeff McQuilken: Mile Marker Reflections
Jeromy Johnson: Our Story - Chapter 10
Kathy Escobar: It Stinks Down Here, but I Really Love The Smell
Lyn Hallewell: Your Turn
Sarah: Glenn’s May Synchroblog
Tera Rose: May Synchroblog
Happy: Better Late Than Never
My bestest blogger buddy Rachel: Synchroblog
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Nice blog- and written so well that it was easy to follow.
My son is studying criminal justice- he wants to either be a small town cop or an air marshall…I’ll have to give him your blog to read so he doesn’t find himself bored in 10 years.
We also have a 7 month old son and we have fostered children in the past.
I liked what you had to say about your church as well…
anyway, thanks for the reading; it was enjoyable.
[...] with “Lost or Found (Depends on your view)“ Erin with “My Turn“ Lyn with “Your Turn“ Sarah with [...]
Mike- Your life sounds pretty awesome!
Retired in 14 years? Now that IS dreaming!
Seriously, maybe you don’t need the GPS coordinates, because what I see is all of us being somewhere in relation to someone else, rather than somewhere specific. I think that’s the difference in my faith these days, because I’m a little behind Kathy and a little to the left of Mike, etc. (not meaning politically or spiritually, but my place in the space-time continuum…or something.) That’s why I love these posts, it makes me feel like I fit somewhere. I have a place among all these other voices.
Am I crazy?
[...] Daryl at Simply a Night Owl: Lost or Found (Depends on your view): May Synchroblog [...]
hey thanks so much for sharing. i linked up from glenn’s synchroblog & appreciate what you shared (ps: i love the animation in the first section, made me laugh!) . i am with erin on the GPS thing. we are all in so many different places but on this same journey of longing for & seeking God, the real living God, not the church-made God. congrats on your sweet baby boy. enjoy. the time goes far too fast so may you savor every moment…
I love the cartoon… but I REALLY loved the guy hitting his head against the wall.
Thanks for sharing all of that.
Blessings!
Heidi
Jane ~ Thanks for popping in. Here’s my take on being a small town cop. It’s not a bad life. It’s the closest thing that I have ever found to being self employed. I can do as much or as little as I want and there is no pressure. We don’t get too many calls but we do get some. Mostly it’s boring. I think your son is in for a life changing experience if he chooses this field. It’s not all bad though. Oh yeah, WAY preferable to being an Air Marshall. That is mostly ALL boring.
Glenn ~ It really can be awesome!
Erin ~ Yep, I’m looking at fourteen years unless I decide to stay around just to piss some people off *cheeky grin* I don’t mind not being able to figure out where I am now as much as I used to. I am kind of comfortable with my own skin and I’m having a great time in the search. It’s just so confusing sometimes.
Kathy ~ Wow!! Thanks for visiting. Same comments as I gave to Erin. Thanks for the congrats. He is such a dream come true and I do savor each and every moment. I know what you mean about time too cause the last seven months have been kind of a blur.
HW ~ I really felt that that graphic gave a good picture of “what I was doing”. Glad you liked it.
To all ~ Thanks for your visits and support. It’s comforting to know that somewhere along the way, we are all experiencing roughly the same thing at different levels.
I’m in a similar funk as you regarding career. I’m in a job that I hate though, with no where to advance, at low wages, totally beneath my skill level, and bored out of my mind. I’ve been seeking jobs elsewhere for 18 months now and haven’t gotten many responses, so I’m giving myself until June 30th to find another job in Portland, otherwise I will start the paperwork process for a private contractor position in Afghanistan or Iraq. I’m a single man in need of adventure. If I stay in my job, I’ll only become neurotic like the women I work with. That’s the worst place to be.
In another topic, I need to know if you plan to come to the retreat on Memorial Day weekend. Friday’s the day for the early bird registration. Let me know. Thanks.
[...] Mike Victorino: Lost Or Found (Depends On Your View [...]
Hi, Mike. I really liked your thoughts about how your church is going. Mine has been going the same way the past few years. You do have a weird schedule that most human beings wouldn’t want to work. I can think of twenty agencies that would hire someone like you tomorrow, and give you better pay, hours and the challenge you’re looking for. So. . . what are you waiting for, man?! Go for it!
P.S. If you really want something and it keeps smacking you in the head, is that God talking? Hmmm…..just a thought.
Nicholas ~ I have been following your plight for sometime and it is also discouraging to me that you have not been able to find something that you would be happy with. I remember when you pondered whether or not you should have went to San Francisco and I’ve often thought, why not? I also thought about signing with Blackwater and spending a couple of years in Iraq. When I started to get serious about it, Morgan came along and changed everything….including my decision to go to Iraq.
MCM ~ Thanks for the visit. I still ponder starting over at my age and you know the kind of b.s. that goes on in our neck of the woods. As far as you question about something whacking you in the head that you want being the voice of God. Well, I don’t have an answer for you. What did stick out for me was that you said it was something that you want. I think this is where the difference is. I think that God supplies our needs, but not our greeds. I think that you have to decide if it is something that you need or something that you want. If it is something that you want and you do manage to get it, make sure that you praise God for the blessing of abundance. I read a post recently here that was very true. Sometimes it’s not all about us.
MCM ~ Oh yeah, did you get the email I sent you about the tables?