Throw in the Towel
So here’s my dilemna. I’m not quite ready to come out and talk about how the last five months have been, where I have gone and where I feel like I’m heading….at least not here. I don’t feel qualified to talk about the things of God anymore and I quite honestly have completely lost interest.
So do I throw in the towel??
no. maybe you take a vacation from it all for a bit, maybe you write somewhere where no one reads it, but don’t give up, my friend.
you have a community of people out here who care about you enough, in spite of not actually knowing you, to still be here if you ever want to talk it all out, but i think most of us (as evidenced by a decline in many blogs’ postings) get it that sometimes you just can’t write, whatever the reasons.
no towel throwing, please! maybe just a sign on the door that says “closed for the season” or something… it would be sad, but at least seasons change, right? sooner or later summer comes back around.
Happy
May 29, 2009 at 5:41 am
What Hap said.
Check in once in awhile so we know you survive, but if you don’t have anything to write about publicly, then don’t. And certainly don’t delete your blog, some really great conversations have taken place here and you should leave them intact for “future generations”, if nothing else.
erin
May 29, 2009 at 9:44 am
i wouldn’t throw in the towel… i don’t think that God is done with you though you may not have a great deal of interest just now… i am praying mike!
john
May 29, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Thanks for your prayers John but as you say, my interest level is low. I appreciate you though. You are a great friend.
Mike
May 29, 2009 at 8:35 pm
I know what you mean Mike. I felt the same way when I closed down my blog. Sometimes I miss it, sometimes I don’t. I think what I miss most though is that some of the things I wrote I’d like to re-read as they still speak to me now like they did when God was talking to me about them. Unfortunately they’re gone so I can’t. Hang in there my friend, and don’t forget email works too!
Rach.
Rachel
May 29, 2009 at 5:02 pm
Hi Rachel ~ I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear from my sister down under. You have been a great friend to me and I will always love you dearly. I never intended to take it down….just to put an out of business sign on the door. Funny thing is that I have tried that before and I always end up coming back
Mike
May 29, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Mike,
You and I are in the same place. I know exactly how you feel and to tell you the truth I am too hurt, angry and disconnected to stay and too afraid of going back to the way I used to live to to throw in the towel. You pray for me and I’ll pray for you. That is something I don’t do much any more so maybe praying for you will be a gift back to God for me. I do still love people and care more than anything what happens to them, if I didn’t I would have no hope right now. Let’s both try to hang on.
Love you…Joanne
Joanne
May 29, 2009 at 6:09 pm
I’m praying for you Joanne. I might as well pray for you cause praying for myself doesn’t seem to work anymore.
Mike
May 29, 2009 at 8:32 pm
Someone I don’t know well had this thread on facebook kind of fits where you are:
“bring needs to God, we can have faith when he does not immediately provide what we need. For during the waiting time he may be giving us far better gifts than those we have asked for—gifts that can ease our selfishness, build our relationships with those around us , and strengthen our families. As we wait and trust, we begin to experience love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control”
I am so glad that I didn’t get what I thought I wanted but was allowed to journey and struggle twords what I needed and gained deeper understanding, love and respect for God and those around me. I was a jerk In high school thanks God I didn’t stay that way( hahha I can sometimes still be a jerk!)But hang in there God is in the journey providing us with gifts that grow us in remarkable ways!! Keep on going!! Beauty is born of change !!
Sorry to butt in but its in kind of a public forum
Sue Meredith
May 29, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Sue ~ You don’t have a thing to be sorry for. You’re right; this is a public forum and I don’t moderate comments. Notwithstanding that, I appreciate any and all comments and opinions and I welcome your visit.
Many times in this life, I have not been given the things that I have asked for and I have had the benefit of later seeing why I was not given them. That is a precious gift. Don’t get the wrong idea from my post. I don’t blame God for any of what I am going through. This was all my doing. Right now, I am struggling in EVERY aspect of my life and the walls are all crashing in at the same time. For most of my life, I have pushed back against the walls and one has always given but I find that I am now very tired of fighting it. It is hard to stay focused on anything let alone God and I am at the point where it would be a relief to be crushed.
I am sure that at the end of this tunnel, there will be something of value for me but I can’t yet see the light. In the mean time, I have to decide whether or not I want to air out my struggle in this forum or simply share the lessons I am learning along the way….
That type of nakedness might be considered Porn
Mike
May 29, 2009 at 8:30 pm
I am humbled by the outpouring of support that I have received. Thank you all very much!
Mike
May 29, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Mike – Please receive this with the love that I am writing it in. It sounds to me that you are much more comfortable writing from a position of empowerment than one of vulnerability. And perhaps you want to shut down your heart along with your blog.
I challenge you to keep going. Write through the pain and uncertainty, even if it doesn’t seem eloquent or meaningful. It will be healing for you and for others. You are a tenderhearted and insightful person. Don’t run from that. Get naked brother!
Ruth
May 30, 2009 at 7:41 am
I am a newbie to your blog but have enjoyed reading your posts. I hope you don’t stop writing but also respect your decision if you decide not to carry on. Sometimes the burden of life does become too much for words. However sometimes if we can share a bit of our sorrows, it will make a difference in someone else’s life. Prayers and Blessings…
hope42day
May 30, 2009 at 7:48 am
Hey Mike.
I was just looking you up on Facebook..and came across your post.
I’ve been thinking about you…hoping you are getting through okay.
I don’t have advice, as much of my life is still just questions….but I wanted you to know that I care.
Be well, my friend….
Che V.
May 30, 2009 at 2:40 pm
It’s your blog…share as much or as little as you feel you ought to. No one’s gonna fault you for it. I can understand a little bit about what you’re going through. I’m in a similar struggle myself, dealing with a job I hate that I have been searching 29 months for a new job to leave it for and not finding success, as well as frustrations with the church and the local congregation, and it seems like sometimes God just doesn’t seem to care about your well being, sometimes. My interest in God is at a very low level these days, so I definitely relate to your feelings about it. The best years of my life were the years I didn’t believe in God, so I find that interesting. I guess it just means if we live the life of our dreams, we don’t have to worry too much about what God thinks. We just need to be true to ourselves and what we really want out of life.
Nicholas Carroll
May 31, 2009 at 6:35 am
Is anyone ‘qualified’ to talk about the things of God?
Do children need this to talk about their Daddy and does the bride need this to talk about her groom?
Do the siblings need this to talk about their siblings?
Wendy
May 31, 2009 at 11:28 pm
The Lord still loves you the same … it is hard to see through pain and disappointment and loss and your own self judgment.
God loves you just the same …
wendy
June 4, 2009 at 11:18 am
Mike,
I’ve followed for some time your writing and your reflections and struggles with life and with God and enjoyed also those blessed moments you shared.
You are and have been in my prayers and I still look forward, whether in this life or in the next the oppurtunity to shake your hand give ya a hug and call you brother.
I have found, even in my darkest moments, somehow, someway, when I least expected it God has found a way to use me, even when I felt I least deserved it.
It is also true for you. I have felt blessed by your writing and incite, been inspired by your questions and your easy conversation with and about God and his intent for your life and the world in general. I imagine Jesus to be a teacher excited by the question no one else would asked until you raised your hand.
“yes, Yes, he’d say.
“Keep asking the questions, keep digging for answers”
“Don’t be afraid to ask what you do not understand.”
You are a special person, wonderfully made, the essence of the creator, a light unto the world.
I will miss, for however long, the jewels and pearls of wisdom I have discovered in my life by reading about yours. You must do what you must do.
Please know that God is truely with you, always. As corny as it may sound, you can tell by those single set of footprints in the sand you see behind you, when need be, he will carry you.
lastly…. I may not be all the man I should be, but I am much more the man I would’ve been because of you and your writing. Thank you for that!!
God be with you…
John
latentprints
June 10, 2009 at 1:24 am