THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible crevice furthest away from you

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire while running late for work

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone WILL ring

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will

Law of Bio-Mechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold

The Locker Law
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it and if you stock up, they’ll come out with a new & improved one you like better almost immediately

Doctor’s Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor: by the time you get there you’ll feel better.   If you don’t make an appointment, you’ll stay sick