I have found that I have a very addictive personality.  If you don’t believe that, then I invite you to go through every single post in this blog, map out my journey and come to your own conclusions.

There’s a game on Facebook that I have been playing since I first heard of its existence.  It’s called Mafia Wars.  The object of the game is simple, get experience to advance to the next level.  This is done by doing jobs, winning fights and building a large family.   As the game has progressed, its writers have added more and more to the game in order to keep it interesting and I, in my infinite capacity to be drawn into something like that, played right along with it.  I even tried to quit playing a few times only to find myself right back into the game the next week.   I played to the point where I spent money to get points to achieve more and allowed people who I didn’t even know to become “friends” just so I could add them to my family.

The other day as I was sitting here staring at my computer screen and playing, it occurred to me that it had reached the addiction level.  I would play before I went to bed and it was the first thing I did when I got up.   There were times when I would actually sit there and hit the refresh on my live feed so I could watch what my family was doing to see it I could get in there and assist them because it aided me in my climb up the  ladder.   Then I remembered that my primary reason for signing up for Facebook was that it was a method of staying in touch with friends.  It even actually has put me in touch with people I have not seen in years so as a tool for interaction, it has been invaluable.   I think though that is where it needs to stay.

My life has been in such a state of flux in the last year and there has been much that I have ignored simply because I have escaped into cyberspace; and Mafia Wars provided  a great way to escape.  Those days are over though and now it’s time to get back to priorities and to try and figure out exactly where I belong in this “real game” called life.   So if you want to interact with me, I’ll still be here and I’ll even still be around on my Facebook page.   I just won’t be living there anymore.

Off to the decompression chamber…

For those of you who hadn’t noticed, I had a picture in here of a guy at a ball game with his hat on backwards and he was blocking his eyes from the light with his hand.  This picture had been circulated around the world about nine times or so through email and I thought it was a funny addition to add some humor to the blog.   Well, i was visited by the picture police.  (I was going to link to their site but self-control got the better of me)   Anyway, I have removed the offending post and picture from my blog.

Oh yeah, I stole this picture too.

Quite fitting if you ask me.

For my “overseas” and bordering neighbors who read here, I am sorry that you have to listen to this bitter diatribe.  However, the sheer number of invitations I have received lately to be part of a group at Facebook has me flabbergasted to the point where I have added to my status to stop friggin inviting me.   The groups, if you can actually call them that are something to the effect of keeping God or “under God” in the pledge of allegiance.  Just a couple of the groups are located here and here.

“I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all”

The Pledge of Allegiance was originally written in 1892 and has been changed four times since then.   The original pledge was penned by Francis Bellamy and read;  “I pledge allegiance to my flag and the Republic for which it stands — One nation indivisible — with liberty and justice for all”. Notice that the original pledge did not say anything at all about God?   Incidentally, Ballamy was a Baptist Minister.  In 1923, the pledge was changed to add, “of the United States of America”.   The United States Congress officially recognized the pledge in 1942 followed by a 1943 Supreme Court decision in West Virginia State Board of Education V. Barnette (319 US 624) that overturned a prior decision and ruled that school children were not required to say the pledge.    The words “under God” were not even included into the pledge until 1954 when signed into law by President Dwight D. Eisenhower on June 14th.  Interestingly enough, the ball got rolling on the inclusion of the words “under God” by a Presbyterian Minister by the name of George MacPherson Docherty on February 7, 1954 in a sermon that he gave based on the Gettysburg Address and titled, “A New Birth of Freedom”.     I’m not going to go into a discussion on my views about the inclusion of politics into a sermon.  Sufficed to say – I am not a fan.  However, the hair on the back of my neck stands up when I consider that Docherty (1) knew that Eisenhower was going to be in attendance because it was “Lincoln Sunday” and (2) also knew that Eisenhower had been baptized into the Presbyterian Church less than one year before.   If ever there was an opportunity to bring to bear political influence from the pulpit, this was surely one of the best.   But again, that’s another subject.   I want to talk about how I feel about the pledge as it is.

I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Let’s start off with what allegiance is defined as.   It is the feudal obligation of a vassal to a liege lord.  Kind of accurate huh?  Not really the definition that I am going for though so I’ll stop laughing now.   Allegiance is loyalty, duty, devotion and support.  These are all great words to describe allegiance and if this allegiance was being pledged to a country, state, person or even a group of people then they would absolutely apply.  However, we are to pledge our allegiance to a flag;  a symbol, a piece of material that has been dyed several different colors and in specific patterns, something that even our highest court has allowed people to burn in protest as a form of freedom of speech.   So to the people who want to keep “under God” in the pledge, need I remind you of the consequences of idolatry?

AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS
The only remaining semblance of a republic which remains in the United States is the definition; and then only a very small part.   We are a government in which the representatives are elected by the people and that is the only remaining comparison to a republic.   Our elected officials are supposed to exercise power for the people who elected them.  However, it is commonplace for them to roll over to special interests, think only about what’s best for them or who is giving them the most campaign finance.   Most of the elected officials today can’t see past the end of their own backstabbing while what’s best for the people remains unimportant at best.  A Republic is also a group of people with collective interests; members of the republic are considered equals.  Try telling that to your state Senator who votes himself a raise every year while voting to tax the people into oblivion in order to pay for it.

ONE NATION UNDER GOD
This is what they want to fight to keep.  The main problem with it is that we are not one nation under God and for that matter, we never really have been.   This can either be a matter of contention or something to agree upon depending on one’s viewpoint.  However, it is not a Pandora’s Box that I am going to open here.

INDIVISIBLE
As a country and as a people, we are certainly not indivisible.   The subject of this post is a prime example and there are many many more.  Unfortunately, it takes something earth shattering like the attack on Pearl Harbor, the Loma Prieta Earthquake,  Hurricane Katrina or the 9/11 attacks to make us remember that we are indivisible.   During these times of strife, American’s readily come together.  What is said is how quickly they are forgotten and how long it takes to become complacent again.

WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL
A grand design.   However, and this is my own opinion, I don’t see that “all” have liberty and “all” certainly don’t receive justice.  Because of the field of work that I am in, I can point out many occasions where there was no justice; especially for the victim’s of crime.

I guess that my issues aren’t only with just keeping “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance; I have a problem with whole damn thing.   I don’t even recite it any more and until the words actually have meaning again, I likely won’t.    The best you’ll ever see from me is to stand out of respect for those who do.

I saw this today and well, I can only ask, “Do you think this person is going to re-0ffend?”

THE LAWS OF ULTIMATE REALITY

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible crevice furthest away from you

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire while running late for work

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone WILL ring

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with

Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will

Law of Bio-Mechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach

Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last

The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold

The Locker Law
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers

Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug

Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about

Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it and if you stock up, they’ll come out with a new & improved one you like better almost immediately

Doctor’s Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor: by the time you get there you’ll feel better.   If you don’t make an appointment, you’ll stay sick

From a recent article in the Bonner County Daily Bee:

SANDPOINT — A Bonner County man was arrested late Wednesday for allegedly kicking a Sandpoint Police officer while being escorted into Bonner General Hospital.

XXX was arrested for felony battery on a law officer, but is expected to be charged with a misdemeanor instead, according to court documents. Judge YYY released XXX on his own recognizance on Thursday pending the filing of the lesser charge, court records said.

XXX, 62, was taken into protective custody for intoxication after being ejected from the 219 Lounge and challenging officers to fight, the report said. XXX was reportedly unsteady on his feet, had slurred speech and smelled of alcohol.

XXX was taken to BGH for evaluation, but was not under arrest. But that changed when XXX, who has a prosthetic right arm, kicked the officer in the groin as the he was being guided into the hospital.

So let me see if I can wrap my brain around this.   This person was taken into protective custody for being intoxicated after being ejected from a bar and challenging the police to a fight.  (Translation:  this guy was friggin polluted).   So he gets taken to the hospital and decides that an appropriate response would be to kick an officer in the groin.  You don’t have to be a genius to translate this.   The guy kicked the officer in the balls.    The officer then arrested the guy for a felony only to have the prosecutor come back the next day and decide that it’s only a misdemeanor?   Excuse me?

Why the hell would anyone in their right mind, think that a kick to the groin of any person, of either sex, not be serious enough to warrant a felony charge; especially a police officer in the performance of their duty?   Worse than that, the prosecutor is sending a message to everyone and pretty much telling them that it’s okay to attack a police officer.   I’m curious as to exactly what virus has infiltrated the thinking center of the Deputy Prosecutor’s brain to think that this type of attack would not cause some serious damage.    I know!  Maybe someone should kick him in the balls and see if he thinks it’s still a minor thing.

Kinda makes you wonder why we have so many repeat offenders huh?

Then again….

• “It feels like someone kicked me in the stomach.  I’ve gotten my breath back, but now all I do is cry”
• “If I continue to feel this way, I’d rather be dead.  What do I do with the pain?”
• “Right now I feel no hope that I’ll ever experience Joy again.  I have no idea what to do. I can see no way out”

Have you ever heard someone say something like this?   Have you ever said this yourself or maybes something like it?  Well congratulations, you’re perfectly normal.  In the last eight months of my life, I have said these things and a few things that were probably a little more intense than those.    I remember though that life often runs in cycles and one of those cycles is the premise for the fifth chapter of the book; The Rhythm of Hope.    HAPPINESS ->DESPAIR->JOY .   The author states that this cycle should be familiar to any honest person who is sincerely trying to follow this pot-hold ridden road called Christianity.   This leads me to a question about why Christians feel this sense of entitlement (which inevitably leads them to the despair phase).   Anyhow, I would take this a step further and say that most anybody should probably be familiar with this cycle.

Can I just say here that sometimes, I really hate fucking computers!!  I sat down this morning and after taking an almost one month break from writing, I wrote the next installment in my series and it actually made sense.   Finally, I wanted to add a picture to wrap up the whole idea and then BAM!, WordPress locked up on me.  I couldn’t get the image library screen to go away.  It was like a bad dream.  Then I hit the refresh button and got my post back but when I went to save it…nothingness.   So like a good Christian, I slammed my mouse onto the table, yelled Goddamnit really loud and stormed away from the table in a huff.   As I was walking away, I laughed as I remembered that for a time, I would have believed that this happened because I had something very important to be said; so much so that Satan himself came into my computer and sabotaged it causing everything to freeze up and the normally “johnny-0n-the-spot” autosave function to not work at all.    AS IF!!

I do remember from my original post a point that I made about despair turning into joy.  One of my greatest loves on the face of this earth is Yosemite National Park and I have actually mentioned it in my writing here at Simply A Night Owl.  Back in the late 1990’s, there was a bad fire on the southern portion of the park between the Fish Camp entrance and Yosemite West Lodge.   The sight of the scored and charred earth, trees and forest was enough to bring me to tears.  Several years later though, I drove through that area again and what I saw was different; life had reappeared.  New life and new growth had emerged from what had been destroyed.    Something very good had come out of something very bad.   This lesson has stayed with me throughout the years and when necessary, it comes to the forefront of my memory.

A lot of years ago, I bought into the party line that once I accepted Christ, everything would be better and for a time it really was.  This was the happiness portion of this cycle.  One might also call this the infancy of my true Christianity because in reality, I felt very blessed and everything was going really well.   In truth, I was being bottle fed.    Enter the despair portion of the cycle.   In this part of the cycle, divorces happen, people lose their jobs and homes, bills become hard to pay and bankruptcy occurs, those we know and love die from horrible diseases and unexplainable accidents.    Sometimes, those who we called our church family are the first to abandon us as if we are carrying some kind of very contagious plague.  In the last eight months though, I have been weened from the bottle.   It’s crunch time.   My forest has been burned down and now it’s up to me to trust in God that the old is going to become fertilizer for the new; that in the end, out of the destruction will come new life.

Maybe that rule even applied to my original post!

The title of Chapter 4 in Shattered Dreams is quite appropriately named “When Both Shoes Drop”.  That’s what it feels like sometimes when we ask God to help us out.   While we’re waiting for Him to exhert his divine influence on whatever happens to be our dilemna of the week, it’s quite normal to hear nothing but silence.  That is until the next catastrophe strikes and the first one isn’t even fixed yet.   *sigh*

At any rate, Crabb talks about six lessons that he learned while reading Naomi’s story and I want to talk about those lesssons for this chapter review.

Lesson 1 ~ Our fondest dreams for this life, the ones we naturally believe are essential to our happiness, must be fully abandoned if we are to know God well.  But we cannot abandon them without help.  The help we need, most often, is suffering, the pain of seeing at least a few of our fondest dreams shattered.    The first lesson – Shattered dreams are necessary for spiritual growth.

This makes perfect sense and not just from a spiritual aspect.  Every good Christian knows that choosing to be a friend of the world is a choice to become an enemy of God.  These people are considered by the scriptures to be adulterous.  (I say “by the scriptures” because I still don’t believe that anyone really knows what God thinks on anything).   In reality, even though good Christians know this, very few can actually maintain that standard so it’s probably a good thing that it makes sense in a more practical way.    For the spiritual and the non spiritual alike, it seems to be a pretty normal response when something goes very bad to at a minimum say “Oh God”,  in more severe cases to actually ask him why he’s allowing it or ultimately to blame him for what is happening.   In the end, we have given God attention and thus have given him the opportunity to change our circumstances.   Unfortunately, some people never get to see the results of what God has done in their lives and I’m not going to debate here whether or not it’s that they haven’t been shown or simply refuse to see because I’ve been on both sides of that track.

Lesson 2 ~ Shattered dreams produce excruciating pain, sometimes to extreme that we fear we cannot survive.  And that is true.  The person we are before the pain cannot survive.  We emerge from the experience of shattered dreams as changed people, but not always for the better.  The pain is not evidence of weak faith.  It is evidence that we are normal.  It’s part of a necessary process.  The pain is necessary if we’re to discover within us an appetite for better dreams that before we neither noticed nor appreciated.   The second lesson – Something wonderful survives everything terrible, and it surfaces most clearly when we hurt.

I have a “testimony”,  if you will.  with regard to this and I have spoken of it here.   It is true that when pain and loss rear their ugly faces, the people that we were before; we can never be again.  Most of us can now look back at our lives and see how our experiences have shaped who we are, how we have become that person and grasp this process.    Unfortunately, it is extremely hard for most to look for that “something wonderful” while in the midst of what can be considered hell on earth.  Even more unfortunately, some never see it nor find it.

Lesson 3 ~ Some cherished dreams will crumble in your life.  That’s inevitable.  It happens to all of us before we’re through living down here.  No one makes it unscathed to the end.  Whether we believe that God cause the trial (as Naomi did) or that God merely allowed the trial, one thing is clear:  He could have prevented the trial.  he could have given us a good time, at least a better time than we had.  The fact creates within us a tension with God.   The third lesson – Some dreams important to us will shatter, adn the realization that God could have fulfilled that dream pushes us into a terrible battle with him.

I already mentioned this one above.  Because we feel loss and need to lay the blame squarely in God’s lap, we do.  We yell, scream and battle with him until we have absolutely nothing left; tears, anger, energy or desire to even carry on the fight.   Since the battle itself  drains us of the resources necessary to continue it, it leaves us vulnerable to be receptive to what God might really be trying to tell us.  And that leads to Crabb’s lesson 4.

Lesson 4 ~ A child always given candy never learns to like vegetables.  A student never required to read Shakespeare or to listen to Beethover never develops a taste for more than sensational fiction and noisy music.  Similarly, when lesser dreams reliably come true, we have a hard time appreciating greater dreams.  We neither envision them nor pursue them.  The fourth lesson – Only an experience of deep pain develops our capacity for recognizing and enjoying true life.

The experience itself doesn’t have to be “deep pain” .   It can be something a little more subtle such as repeated failure.  Let me give you an example.   I moved to North Idaho in 1996 on a wing and a prayer seeking a career in law enforcement.  I started out as a reserve officer for a small town department.  While I was doing that, I was working full time as a quality control officer in a production facility for lighting products.  I tested with one department after another and sometimes some departments more than once and for five years, I got to hear, “Your on the list”.  (Which means the same as “thank you for playing, here’s your box of chicken”.) Hell, I even heard that from the department that I was volunteering my time with.  How shitty is that?   Anyway, during this five year period of waiting, I also worked in several different positions at the county jail.   (Please?  No jokes about jails and position) At the end of five years, I was so dejected that I was ready to give up my dream and settle on something else.  I tested with one last department that I had not tested with before.  Lo and behold, I got that job.  Now, as I look back with hindsight and knowledge of what the job entails and the relationships that come from it, I can see that I was never really a good match for any of the departments that I initially tested for.

Lesson 5 ~ Most people never discover true life.  Unbelievers don’t possess it.  Believer’s, all of them, do possess it, but not many experience it.  The fifth lesson – Not many Christians drink deeply from the well of living water.  As a result, our worship, our community and our witness are weak.

I absolutely agree with Crabb when he says that most people will never discover true life.  However, we part ways when I hear him say that unbelievers don’t possess it and Christians do because he is again, making Christianity out to be a “members only club”.   There is a person that I know who is going to remain nameless here who one of the most loving, carefree and generous people that I have ever seen.  This is a person who wakes up looking forward to his day and goes to bed relishing in the fact that he got to spend it.  I have never seen him once without a smile on his face, a laugh in his throat or a good word on his lips.  When bad things have come his way, he has always looked to the end of the tunnel, always remained hopeful and always come out on top.   This person is living out the teachings of Christ in his daily life yet doesn’t believe in God.   On the other hand, I know people who call themselves Christians who are uptight, vendictive, backstabbing gossips who look at life and at others with disdain.   Their generosity extends to helping those in the church or the church itself while ignoring those in need who are right in front of their noses.     So “our worship, our community and our witness are weak”.   Any questions why?   Based on the example that I have seen from Christians, if I was a seeker today, I would not be looking toward Jesus.

Lesson 6 ~ The past is irreparable; the future is always available.  In every case, when good dreams shatter, better ones are there to newly value and pursue.  These better dreams are indestructible; they will not be taken away from us either by God (because He is good) or by the forces of hell (because evil has no power to thwart God’s highest purposes).   The sixth lesson – no matter what happens in life, a wonderful dream is available, always, that if pursued will generate an unfamiliar, radically new internal experience.  That experience, strange at first, will eventually be recognized as joy.

Okay.  First I’m gonna call bullshit on Crabb’s statement that this better dream is indestructible because the whole premise of this book is that dreams get shattered.   I think it’s safe to say that while we’re here on earth, there are probably not many dreams that we have that are not capable of destruction because after all, we’re human and we’re gonna screw things up.  Now having said that, the lesson is sound.  You can’t change the past but it can change you so instead of looking at everything as crap, you need to eventually look out of the other window.  (A lesson that I have known for some time that came up to slap me in the face again today)   Look for your dreams, pursue them and never give up because when you have achieved those dreams, the feeling is like no other that you will ever feel.   I would add that we also should never stop dreaming.  After all, there IS one that’s always available.

To dream is to hope and as long as a person has hope, there is a reason to get up in the morning and get through the day.

I found this video the other day and it seems to match up with the subject that I am psuedo-writing on right now.   The last line of the video is “killer”!

“What God has in mind when He tells us to keep hoping may not be what we usually mean when we think of hope. We wish for things to get better; we want to feel what we want to feel. Those are our dreams. But that kind of hope is for later. For now, in this life, the Bible offers a different kind of hope, a kind that at first we don’t find attractive or even hopeful.” ~ Larry Crabb

Crabb titled the third chapter in this book “Jesus Speaks”. I’ll get to that later. Crabb highlights the struggles and eventual triumph of Naomi as a prime example of maintaining hope but also makes reference to Hebrews 11.  It is there that I want to begin my discussion.

I once wrote a sermon for a baby blessing that made a reference to another sermon that I heard about Hebrews 11.  In this sermon, the pastor called the chapter the “Bible’s Hall of Fame of the Faithful”.   There is absolutely no doubt that when people think of those in history who have been faithful, they think of Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Moses and Rahab; just to name a few.   There’s a few folks that are on the bottom of the list that are not so well known and they’re the ones I like best.   People like Gideon and Samson are the ones that I identify with the most.  They were fed to the lions, thrown into the fire and did battle most of their lives.  They were tortured, jeered, flogged, stoned, sawed in two or simply chained and put into prison.  They went through life poor and destitute, mistreated and persecuted.  They did nothing but wander from place to place simply looking for a place to live.  They were not worthy.   One might even say that their lives totally sucked.  I’m fairly certain that they also asked God if there wasn’t a little something that He could do about their circumstances but He was silent on the matter.  Yet they are still listed in the Hall of Fame.

Crabb refers to the the night before Jesus knew that he would be beat, maimed, tortured and killed in the most cruel way imagineable.   Jesus tells his disciples, “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation” but what he was really saying was “keep the faith” or perhaps “don’t lose hope”.   Jesus knew that in the next twenty four hours, everything that his disciples knew was going to be turned upside down and inside out.  The person that they knew as God was going to turn himself over to angry mob intent on killing him.  You see Jesus knew then the same thing that he knows now and his twelve disciples were not much different than “Christians” of today.  When things are good and things are going their way, it’s all exciting and fresh and Jesus is the center of attention; all they would or for that matter, we can talk about.   The problem arises when shit hits the fan.  I think that it’s human nature to turn inward and focus on the issues or problems instead of remaining hopeful and faithful that in the end, everything works itself out.   The disciples certainly turned away from Jesus and lost hope.   Christians today do the same thing.  Even Crabb says this  in his book on page 40:

One gets the impression from reading Hebrews 11 that God would prefer to hear someone share, “My cancer came back, I just lost my job and my wife filed for divorce; I feel angry, discouraged and miserable…”

How the hell can anybody be encouraged over that?

Crabb finishes out by saying, “I intend to keep trusting God, I believe I can do it.  I want him more now than ever.”   The same as Jesus tells us to keep the faith and remain hopeful; “Watch and pray thay you do not fall into temptation”.  I left that out intentionally because it was the part that I quoted here that is going to be heard and more importantly, understood by a person who is seeing God and how He is interacting with them when their entire world is falling apart around them.

Be hopeful?  Is the premise of this book to let us know that our hope rests in being with the Lord in Heaven and that in the mean time, we just need to deal with this shit?   Try telling that to the mother whose teenage son is killed by a drunk driver the first night after he gets his driver’s license.   Try telling that to the emergency responders who investigate this gruesome crash and now have to not only carry around those images for the rest of their life but also have to try to not let it affect their lives.  Try telling that to the daughter of an Alzheimer’s patient whose father doesn’t even know who she is anymore.   Try telling that to the mother and father of a newborn who dies one night while sleeping and for absolutely no reason at all.

Yet we go on; one day to the next knowing full well that what we mostly hear from God is silence and what we will experience from Him is inactivity.